Ahmed Mnissi comes from near Tübingen and is a freelance hair and make-up artist as well as a make-up artist. The 33-year-old queer activist was diagnosed with HIV+ in 2016 and went public with it in 2018 to raise awareness. "If you don't deal more openly with HIV, not much will happen either", was his insight at the time and since then he has been clarifying and campaigning against stigmata. With SCHWULISSIMO he spoke about his diagnosis, discrimination, activism, drugs, racism and Berlin.
Why did you decide to do activism? When I moved from near Tübingen to Stuttgart after my HIV diagnosis in 2016, I noticed how bad our own apps were, especially in the usual apps, but also in conversations Community or homosexual men were informed about HIV and AIDS but also about the protection and treatment methods. It's even worse in the heteronormative area, it's not just about destigmatization, but also about protecting everyone and ending HIV and AIDS. When I changed careers, I moved to Hamburg with a big musical and found that the gay men there were much better informed and dealt with the topic differently. There were no insults, just interesting questions and when my status became known, the reactions were consistently positive, because they were familiar with it and knew that protection through therapy posed no risk of infection from my side. My landlady in Hamburg at the time, who worked for the local AIDS organization for a long time, became a friend and interviewed two generations of HIV-positive people, including me, for a study project goes around, not much will move either. Since I have a large circle of acquaintances spread all over Germany, mainly in the heteronormative area, I thought I would go public to show that there is another fact about me as a person, but it neither defines who I am nor changed me
What do most people not know about living with HIV that they should know? Or to put it another way, what is the biggest misunderstanding and stigma when it comes to HIV? Most people still lump HIV and AIDS together, even though they are two completely different images. HIV is the infection that, with successful therapy, ensures that the virus can no longer be detected in the blood, i.e. it is below the detection limit. n=n, not detectable = not transferable, i.e. not contagious. In the case of full-blown AIDS, one speaks of the fact that the virus is responsible for the fact that the immune system is so damaged at some point that further diseases characteristic of the AIDS clinical picture occur. For example, it has been linked to specific types of cancer or pneumonia. If several of these diseases are detected, one speaks of full-blown AIDS.
The most important fact, I think, is that we HIV positive people who are successfully treated are not contagious. Safer Sex 3.0 is the new protection, so to speak: 1. Protection by condom, 2. Protection by PreP or PeP or 3. TasP = Therapy as Protection, which is what I fall under. Many are still afraid of us because they are not sufficiently informed.
But what does life with HIV actually look like? Today I hardly have any contact with my infection, in the morning when I take my pill, go to my specialist doctor for a check-up every three months or okay, then quite often when I'm an activist. The infection itself hardly affects me, we have a completely normal life expectancy, I would even say a little better, since we have a check-up every three months. What limits us is the ignorance of others, the prejudices and the associated stigmatization.
In what form do you experience discrimination based on your diagnosis?I have to say that since I went public with the topic and took the wind out of people's sails and the scope for my own mostly wrong thoughts, I hardly ever experience it nor discrimination based on my HIV status. There has been a nice change in the community since the PreP, as more people are dealing with the topic, are generally more enlightened when it comes to STIs and therefore come towards me with significantly fewer advantages. On the contrary, most people know that TasP as protection is also part of safer sex and means reliable protection against HIV.
What I often still experience discrimination for is more due to intersectionality. But rather in the heteronormative area, sentences like: "He should go back to his homeland so that he doesn't have to have his therapy paid for by us!", or "Whoever whores like that, it's your own fault!" Sexual partners, but how well you protect yourself, how well people are informed and protect themselves and whether you may have trusted the wrong person.
In 2016 you got the call and were informed about the infection. How did that feel and how much has your life changed as a result? At first I was in a kind of shock, air teacher space in my head, a soft beeping like tinnitus. The next thought was, okay, you're going to be single forever. Every day I understood it a little more and had to go through panic attacks, not even out of fear of dying, which is ridiculous from today's point of view, but rather out of fear of others, of being excluded, because those are experiences most probably know from our teenage years and also later in our own community. Sure, if I could choose, I wouldn't want to, but the fact of my HIV status is part of me. My life has changed 180° since then, I started to live more consciously, eat more consciously, did sports, lost 30 kilos, but also sat down more and more with myself, my thoughts, my thought patterns and things from mine childhood apart. I know that everything in life has a reason, but at the time I asked myself for a long time what it should be good for now, I understand it now. The more I speak about my problems or my situations in public, the more courage I give to others, the more have a voice that they may not be able to use themselves.
Do you think the United Nation's goal of no more AIDS by 2030 is realistic and is enough being done to achieve it?To be honest, and although I always tend to live on the optimistic side of life, I don't think it's realistic is. Yes, we are making great strides in research, we are now involved in human studies of certain drugs that are supposed to cure HIV, the problem I see is the following: We here in the industrialized countries naturally benefit 100% from everything, the education is getting better and better , the drugs are becoming more and more widespread and further developed, but we also have a lot of money to be able to afford all of this. When I say we, I don't mean me as an individual, but the states, or rather the structures of each country and the healthcare system. The number of new infections worldwide is still extremely high. Especially in the heteronormative area. Let's look at Africa, for example. In my opinion, these countries are not to blame themselves, but are left to their own devices when it comes to comprehensive education. The stigmatization on site is still extreme, so high that people don't even dare to go to the clinics to pick up their medication, as they run the risk of being exposed and thus stigmatized. Medicines are sometimes sold there, although they are not allowed, and these countries do not have access to the latest medicines, because these medicines themselves are still far too expensive. Someone who falls out of the system because that person cannot afford it will not be caught and will not receive treatment. It can still be traced back to the fact that the big pharmaceutical companies are unfortunately still not handing out the patents. As long as health and treatment still generates such a large profit, it remains a privilege. I don't think we're going to be able to end HIV and AIDS around the world anytime soon. One more reason why I talk about such topics, among other things.
In terms of queer politics, the coalition agreement speaks of a new beginning. Is there something you're missing? All in all, I'm quite satisfied with the fact that new and, in my opinion, groundbreaking signs are finally being set, also for the rest of Europe, especially the East, but of course I also see some weak points. One big thing I miss about my nonbinary friends is gender identity. Yes, the addition of sexual identity is important, but at the same time self-determination and freedom as far as gender identity is concerned. The more I dealt with such topics, the more I see how we have been living in man-made structures for centuries, patriarchal structures that always suppress the minority, i.e. everything that doesn't know, is cis, straight and male. Only if we also recognize these recognized structures in our community and finally start challenging, changing and re-anchoring them on a legal level will we be able to move into a diverse and hopefully free future for everyone. There are certainly many in our community now who say it's enough, we can't keep asking for more. But I think we need to ask for more. We need to see that all people have the right and freedom to express themselves as they feel. And only when we finally understand that one thing doesn't work without the other, that we, all minorities together, can do something against the dominant society, i.e. patriarchy, stop always looking at the end of our own individual nose, only then will things finally happen about constantly moving in the right direction for all of us.
You've been in the chemsex scene - how do you see the legalization of marijuana? While not a chemical drug, it is often referred to as a gateway drug. What regulations should there be? I am still in favor of legalizing cannabis and marijuana, regardless of my drug-chemsex experience. Not only because of the legalization and decriminalization, but also to be able to better control the THC levels, but also to improve the protection against cut goods. I don't see cannabis as a gateway drug, there are others that are more socially accepted, if not even propagated: alcohol. How many times have I had to hear: "How you don't want to drink alcohol at all?!" Or someone wanted to persuade me to drink alcohol, if not even forced me. Of course, this also has social and structural backgrounds that should be questioned. Why is alcohol so widespread and legalized when it's clear what it does to people? It encourages many acts of abuse, accidents and problems. Marijuana and cannabis are not legalized to the same extent and cause significantly fewer problems - there is even a proven healing effect. On the one hand, I find it important that the sometimes occurring THC levels of over 40% are reduced. In addition, there should only be a fee for people over 18 and there should be a large and comprehensive education, but this applies to all types of drugs.
What measures would you like to take for chemical drugs or what would it take to significantly reduce chemsex? It should be said that people have been using so-called "drugs" for thousands of years, they are still doing so today and will certainly continue to do so in centuries to come, should our planet survive that long with us on it. We can only give people, and this is the same as with sex and STDs, the necessary protection. But this is only possible if we finally create a different way of dealing with drugs from a legal, social and political point of view. It's difficult to say which regulations should exist explicitly, I rely less on regulations, which of course have to exist, and more on clarification. In general, I have great criticism of the way society deals with the topic of drugs, because the broad opinion also about mine Addiction is and was then, it's his own fault. Sentences to other drug addicts like "Look at the junkie!" are quite normal in our society. But I say it's not our fault, like other addictions, the reason is much deeper. I am a product of my childhood, the upbringing and the structures of this society. Isn't society with its ways of thinking, patterns, drawers and structures largely responsible for how I'm doing? We have to stop excluding people and pushing them even more to the margins of our society, and listen to them and offer help. In my case, I firmly believe in it and I think that applies to many others as well. If I had known that I could turn to institutions with my problems and addiction at an earlier point without fear of being judged, I would certainly have received much more help. I'm very fortunate to be able to get out of this on my own, but how many people can't? Especially from the chemsex scene. The drugs that are consumed are so tightly bound and burned into the brain through sex that it's almost impossible to get out of it on your own.
You also fight against racism. What racist experiences do you have every day? Well, thank God, no more every day, but I've had quite a few experiences. I almost died in 2014 after a visit to the hospital because I was not really examined or I was in extreme pain without anesthesia. They really put me under pressure and then just sent me home. Two days later I would have died of symptoms of poisoning or an intestinal perforation if I had not been treated in the emergency room of another clinic. The background is the internal justification of many hospitals that people who read Mediterranean generally tend to exaggerate when describing the symptoms and pain. Also, because of patriarchal mindsets, black people or PoC are still unconsciously credited with being significantly less sensitive to pain.
In Stuttgart I was a multiple victim of racial profiling by the police. In recent years, several places across Germany have repeatedly denied that we have a massive and structural racism problem in the police force, but also in public authorities in general. In the meantime, this can no longer be dismissed out of hand. For me it went so far that I was walking in the pedestrian zone after partying and was subjected to an unauthorized body search because of my appearance. Ultimately, I lost my driver's license as a result, although I was on foot and never drove a car for days under any influence.
In everyday life, however, I often have to deal with the question of whether it is the landlord to whom you apply for an apartment and because of the Arabic name they immediately put you in a drawer. Or there are official phone calls where you are discriminated against on the phone as soon as people hear my name.
I can no longer and do not want to discard or deny my origin and skin color, I have done this my whole life, I have adapted to society and its structures in so many ways. What did I get out of it in the end? I ended up in every addiction that exists, anorexic, sex addicted, drug addicted and nearly died from it several times. Since I've been fighting it and standing up for people who may not have a voice, I've been doing better than that.
When was the first time you were confronted with racism? Can you still remember the situation? Looking back, that was in childhood, I only understood a little while ago how much we children also adapted or were adapted in order to "fit in". My father, a black North African, learned in the 80s that he had to adapt - we spoke neither Arabic nor French, only German. He married into a white Swabian family. Our relatives and my own family no longer recognized the color of our skin. They had unconscious racist structures and ways of thinking and could therefore have loved us less, ergo one simply fades out the color of the skin and the culture that may be associated with it. For many years I was very good at ignoring my other culture and had learned to adapt very well through intersectionality as a multiple marginalized person, so well that I denied my own cultural background. But my white mother certainly didn't have it easy either. We are three children, I also have a twin sister and she always had to justify the color of our skin when she looked into our pram.
How do you get people to talk about HIV, stigma and racism? As you can see with the topic of Corona, there seems to be a dwindling culture of discussion and ever more extreme and deadlocked opinions. If I had a 100% solution for that, I think I would only give lectures about it (laughs). But joking aside, yes, I also see it that way that we hardly have a culture of discussion anymore. As far as Corona is concerned, it's damn difficult anyway, because unfortunately many people have decided to close their brains to scientific consensus and unfortunately you can no longer get hold of them. In general, I always try to see both sides of a discussion and let myself be convinced by well-founded and logical arguments, but unfortunately logic often no longer works when it comes to Corona, this is a frightening phenomenon for which I honestly have no solution myself. For the sake of peace, I try to seldom enter into discussions. But also because I have enough other fights and discussions, since I only have a certain amount of time and energy available. In general, I wish that we would listen to each other more, stay in touch more. Back then, after the murder of George Floyd, it was important to me to listen to both sides. I also tried not to feel attacked and think about it all the time. Is it really my own way of thinking or is it structures of society that make me think like this? - and to question them. Another point in relation to these topics is to be aware of the privileges I or everyone else has, which automatically leads to a better understanding of the other person. In many ways, I would also like to see more neutral reporting in the media on so many topics, but I also firmly believe that this will only happen when the white, cis, straight, male patriarchy is more permeated with diversity, more women and queer people come into leadership positions.
Actually from Stuttgart, but you are always drawn to Berlin. What attracts you to Berlin? (Laughs) That's easy to answer, I just feel free in Berlin. Almost all of my self-chosen family now live in Berlin or the surrounding area. I was now really on the road in some cities, not least because of my job. We have many beautiful German cities, but there's just a different energy in Berlin. Looking back, everything is leading me more and more to Berlin, more and more things came together, so the feeling grew in me: That's where I belong. Even if I visit my self-chosen family in Berlin for only five days, it feels like five weeks of vacation. The vibe of the people, the energy, the curiosity, the appreciation of the other and being different attracts me. But of course, Berlin also has more and more to offer me professionally and the network is growing more and more. Apart from that, when I'm shooting we're everywhere anyway, so I'm not allowed to choose where I live because of my job, but because of the feeling of being there.
What do you love about the LGBTI* community in Berlin?What fascinates me about the LGBTI* community in Berlin and what I love about it is the togetherness. In the last few years I have often found in our general community that people were often very intolerant and almost discriminatory towards others. But in recent years Berlin has developed into a safe space bubble, which is now more about working together and mutual support and less about one's own advantage or the discrimination of others in our community. Of course I don't live there yet, which is only a matter of time or when looking for an apartment, which is why I unfortunately don't always have the opportunity to get involved or contribute a lot on site, but hopefully this will change soon.
You are a hair and make up artist and your website says "his work tells stories". What makes your work so special and what stories can you tell with make-up? The special thing about my job and what I love so much is the variety. From a professional point of view, I work in so many areas, from shooting for reality formats for large streaming services, to advertising and fashion shoots, to film or theater. But I am also very fortunate to be able to work with so many different people, to be able to exchange ideas, to get to know the reality of others and from time to time this also leads to very deep and close new friendships.
On the makeup question. I now see it as so much more than just mascara or lipstick. Not least in the drag movement in recent years, we see what makeup can do and how nice it is to be able to transform and slip into other roles. Makeup can transform, enchant, protect or even empower. I was also able to learn this this year. I was Head of Makeup Department at Queer Eye Germany, which will be released on Netflix in March, and I got to know incredibly beautiful people there, questioned myself, my structures, my sexuality and my gender identity (which everyone should do once). It's not without reason that I wear smokey eyes in the new campaign video of the German Aidshilfe, because I'm tired of being told that I'm less masculine with eye shadow and / or nail polish. On the contrary, being aware of it can empower you even more and I feel even more manly.
